The Curbside Prophet

mohandasgandhi:

serenadedhourly:

This is about rape fantasy, and how the name “rape fantasy” contributes to rape culture in more ways than we give it credit for. I want to first emphasise (and I do so later on in the post) that I am not condemning those who like to engage in consensual sex with the foreknowledge that within the role play, the people are pretending to not have consent given. This is okay. Between two trusting, responsible adults, engaging in this sort of power play relies so much on trust and respect. I am only condemning how we, as a society, have allowed this type of fantasy to tote the label “rape” only because the role play calls for a lack of consent.

The thing with calling it “rape fantasy” is that it greatly underestimates ALL of the elements of rape. Yes, there is an aspect of no consent, but the fact that you ARE consenting before hand, even if you’re role playing, still makes it a “safe environment”. There’s an entire disregard for dignity, trust, safety, and consent. Rape is a horrible, HORRIBLE traumatic event — all sexual assault is. It. is. not. sex. So calling something that IS sex a “rape fantasy”, even though all of these extremely gross, demeaning/dehumanising elements of ACTUAL rape are left out really belittles how terrible rape is. Quite frankly, it’s a bit insensitive to those who HAVE been raped.

The actual name “rape fantasy” is a misnomer and the fact that there is consent, trust (ESPECIALLY THIS!!! THE ONLY REASON YOU’RE DOING A DOM/sub FANTASY IS BECAUSE YOU TRUST EACH OTHER!), and respect (why would you let someone play on extreme dom/sub roles if you didn’t respect them enough to LET them do it) does not make it rape. You are role playing and pretending that there is no consent given, but you keep all of the intimate elements of sex that make it sex. Rape/sexual assault has so many other terrible, horrible underlying elements to it, and to even put it in the REALM of consensual sex for PLEASURE is wrong and belittling. Not only that, I’d go as far to say that it contributes to rape culture. If you’re having difficulty understanding why there’s a difference between “not consenting but having sex with a partner” and being raped in an environment where it’s unwanted, you’re a prime example.

I think the reason people can’t differentiate the two is because we’ve so completely allowed rape and consensual sex (even in the realm of role play when we pretend consent is not given) to overlap. It should not overlap at all, even where it seems “innocent” in a role play fantasy. It should not overlap. People need to understand rape has nothing to do with sex and has everything to do with power and completely disregarding a person’s well being. I don’t think we need to elaborate on the mentality of a rapist — we can agree, I hope, that it’s disgusting for someone to do that. It contributes to rape culture in more ways than people give it credit for BECAUSE it allows rape/consensual sex to overlap. I think the point I’m trying to underline the most here is rape is not just about not giving consent. It has so many more elements to it. The idea of “rape fantasy” leaves out all over those other elements and keeps the ‘not giving consent’ as the major aspect of it. That does not make it even the littlest bit close to what it’s like to be raped or sexually assaulted.

So, I think that there needs to be elaboration. What people are doing is playing heavily on the dom/sub element of BDSM and dabbles in the idea of not-consenting, even though there are safety words/consent present. Just because one element is similar to “rape” (yes, it is a major element because if we’re going to define rape, it’s being brutalised and abused sexually without consent… Please, I cannot stress this enough, do not even think for a minute it is even remotely CLOSE to being sexually driven OR sex) does not mean it should be called “rape fantasy”. I hope this makes sense. Mostly, it’s extremely insensitive and I think it contributes to this warped idea of what rape is.

That being said, I am not at ALL demeaning what “rape fantasy” (Jesus Christ. I even cringe using the phrase) is trying to communicate. I’m criticising the actual name of calling it “rape fantasy” for the reasons stated above. If you want to role play a DOM/sub control-based fantasy (when the sub loses control of the situation and lets the dom take control), then I am not going to ever criticise that at all. I hope this makes sense. If you have anything to add about the actual fantasy itself, please do so. Just be aware that there are so many users out there who have been raped and sexually assaulted, and if you’re going to defend the name “rape fantasy”, then to trigger warn it. That’s all I request. I hope this makes sense!

EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS.

I am approve of this.